Sunday Morning Musings

It’s Sunday morning and time for a new week. I have got to start making some changes in my personal life, and now is a good time to start. I miss having a woman that I am intimate, both physically and emotionally, in my life. Relationships with Women are problematic for me, I only let myself open up to a few people. My lesson learned over the last relationships is to not be so quick at revealing my heart. I was emotionally vulnerable from the start and I did not realize that I needed to protect my heart so much. As I said though, lesson learned.

I stopped writing on this blog for awhile because of my concerns about what others might think. That is just silly. This is my blog and there is always an option to not read and to unfollow. I also don’t want people to read and think they need to fix something for me. I have missed a place to reveal my inner thoughts about my sexual self. I have actually felt that part of me slipping. The immense stress from my job and my volunteer commitment have left little time, for the fun, sexy part of me, to let go.

It’s time for me to introduce my Mister into this blog. I haven’t written about this yet, because I didn’t want to repeat some of the same mistakes as in the past. One thing about myself that I have discovered during this adventure is that I have a little side that needs to be taken care of and nurtured. He does that for me and I adore him for it. I even get to see him on occasion and that is even better. Best of all, the relationship has not caused any challenges with Hubby and I. I think I have finally learned balance with my relationships and how to make sure I stay focused on Hubby as my primary partner in life. Mister satisfies my little side and that has left the little girl in me very happy over the past year. The best part of the relationship is that we are friends. In the end, a relationship without a friendship as its basis, will not last.

My other sexual self , the part of me that is grown up and mature, needs to be explored now. I enjoyed being pushed sexually as part of my former submissive relationship. My default behavior is to be passive and neutral. The behavior is a result of years of self confidence issues and childhood challenges that made it difficult for me to interact sexually with people. At 45, my sexual explorations have come much later in life. I’m very fortunate to have the ability to explore and grow. I’m not sure what will be next, but it’s time to continue my adventure.


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